


Home

by monwonpanda



Series: SonShin(e) [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories, domesticau, showho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 17:43:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10366026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monwonpanda/pseuds/monwonpanda
Summary: He wouldn’t be able to sleep now, not until Hyunwoo came to bed. He wasn’t exactly awake though, somewhere between the cold and the sound of the shower, Hoseok’s mind wanders off.I suck at summaries but it's kind like sleepy Hoseok drifting down memory lane.





	

The night was chilly with winter’s early arrival. The air ice and harsh, a warning to those who believed foolishly in the sun’s presence. No doubt; winter was here. Coats were worn, warm blankets were taken out of storage, little children wrapped warmly in woollen scarves. It was manageable for now but it won’t be for long.

There’s the little things Hoseok loves about winters; like how the morning coffee just taste better, how cuddling is the most satisfactory during this time or how the night comes early and that means he has most genuine excuse to literally waste his evenings away watching some series while being warmly tucked under a blanket. Winter was definitely his season.

Their bedroom window is open by half an inch, less than that maybe but the cool draft lingers in none the less. Hoseok buries himself deeper into the layers of blankets, pressing his cold cheeks into his pillow. He wouldn’t be able to sleep now, not until Hyunwoo came to bed. He wasn’t exactly awake though, somewhere between the cold and the sound of the shower, Hoseok’s mind wanders off.

_Years ago…_

They didn’t have a choice back then, the window was broken. A sickle like shape gaping through the dirty bedroom window. He had worked tirelessly in the cold to clean their new abode. Tonight would be their first night in their new home and he wanted it to be perfect.-well as perfect as it could be.

The wooden floors were polished, the windows scrubbed clean, with the exclusion of the broken one.-Hoseok was scared he would just break it further. Their few pieces of furniture were wiped down and arranged a few hundred times before Hoseok approved. They didn’t have a bed, instead, a futon was set up in the lounge. The hole in the bedroom window is covered with layers of newspaper and masking tape but cold seeps through none the less and Hoseok can feel through his many layers of clothes. He closes the bedroom in an attempt to quarantine the cold draft.

Unwrapping the recently bought candles, he sets upon the task of arranging the little tea light candles around the futon. Next up is the heating of the food. They didn’t have the luxury of a microwave, so he instead set up their one plate gel stove not too far from the futon. Hyunwoo wouldn’t be home for a while, so he was left to wait and wait he couldn’t. Hoseok finds himself tweaking something or the other. The teal blanket is the final layer of the multiple blankets Hoseok has laid upon the futon. Finally placing the pan on the stove and laying the take away packets not too far.

Stepping back to do one last check, Hoseok has to admit the sparsely furnished space did have a certain kind of charm.

He would wait until the very last minute to light the tea light candles. They were cheap and thin, he couldn't risk them dying out before Hyunwoo returned. Time crawled by and hesitantly Hoseok set upon the task of lighting each candle, engulfing the wooden floors in an ocean of fire flies. The aesthetic was even more pronounced to due to the fact there was more floor space and than anything. Crawling back to the futon, he once again curls into the blanket as he keeps his eyes trained on the door. Like a loyal dog awaiting the return of his master, Hoseok awaited the arrival of his lover. Words playing over and over again in his head, ready to roll off the tip of his tongue. His breath hitches as he hears the door unlock, the handle turns and Hoseok watches in awe as the Hyunwoo's silhouette is revealed in the doorway. The lights in the hallway were dead. From the warmth of the candles, Hoseok can see Hyunwoo's lips curling into a smile. It's so breath taking, his mind goes blank and the words hang loose until his lover speaks.

-I'm home.

Yes, he was. Hoseok had been rehearsing the very line in his head, going over and over till the words sounded foreign and yet now not a single shred of thought goes into it, it's like second nature.

-Welcome home.

  
They didn’t have much and wouldn’t for another year. Hoseok had a mini fridge, a desk and office chair from his previous living arrangements. Hyunwoo’s mother had given them an old couch with mismatched cushions, a single plate gel stove, a tin kettle and a wooden bench. Money could definitely be used more wisely but Hoseok didn’t think the takeaway was too extravagant. Hyunwoo worked tirelessly at his residence at the hospital while paying off his medical school debt and helping his mother out at home. Hoseok never resented him for that, despite things being easier if Hyunwoo didn’t help out at his home, despite Hyunwoo’s mother rejecting Hoseok. He never held it against Hyunwoo. He understood because he was struggling with the same thing himself. Hoseok was fresh out of the military who alternated shifts between bar tendering, private sessions and assisting at a dingy tattoo parlour. He was twenty-one, ten years younger than Hyunwoo. A child in Hyunwoo’s mother’s eyes.

\- How did the two of you meet?  
-She asks as she busies herself with making tea.

\- At work.  
-Hyunwoo answered.

The truth hadn’t been far off. Hyunwoo had seen to him at the hospital when a customer had slapped Hoseok so hard that the gold ring had split Hoseok’s lip open and the back hand that followed had left an ugly bruise under his left eye and split his eyebrow. Hoseok’s profession wasn’t of the usual. He was a newbie at the club he had initially bar tendered at, now being trained to pour drinks and offer friendly conversation to private customers. It was a drastic leap from what he was previously doing. These customer’s always expected his sole subservience, attention to detail and a kind of temporary loyalty. That being said, they weren’t men of usual profession themselves and with the unknown comes a price tag that not even Hoseok was allowed access to. Still, he didn’t need to. The way they acted, their clothes, their eyes told Hoseok everything he needed to know. Men like these don’t take to lightly when being rejected but it was usual for them to complain or threaten when Hoseok would reiterate that he was not for sale. None the less, it was the first time in his short career that he had encountered a violent outburst. It couldn’t be all that often because even the bouncer on duty seemed to be a bit stunned. The damage was enough to get Hoseok off for the rest of week and he had spent wisely falling in love with the doctor with tender hands and a warm smile.

Of course, they couldn’t tell Hyunwoo’s mother this.

\- What about your parents?  
-She asks, trying to keep the worry in her voice from showing.

\- He doesn’t keep in contact with them.  
-Hyunwoo answers once again.

Hyunwoo never lied and Hoseok always appreciated that about him but then again, it’s not like he was telling the complete truth either. Hoseok had been kicked out in late months of his final high school year. His parents had discovered his stash underneath the floorboards in the bedroom he shared with his three brothers. Hoseok had understood that too, even though he never did drugs, just sold them. His dad was too frail to hold a job long enough, his mother worked as an assistant in a nearby restaurant and with his three siblings still in school and the fourth not really interested in getting or job or doing just about anything product.- He couldn’t hold it against them. His family couldn't afford the time or energy to tolerate him. College wasn't an option and he opted to join the military right after he graduated.

He just sat there dumbly as Hyunwoo answered for him. Questions continued to be asked and Hyunwoo continued to shield him.  
When they said their goodbyes and got ready to leave, Hyunwoo to the hospital and Hoseok to the club, Hyunwoo’s mother clasped her son hands tightly within hers. A moment so intimate that Hoseok took the opportunity to slip out the front door but not fast enough because she could hear the words trailing into the air.

\- Are you sure? A bar tender? I just don’t think he’s good for you, not for you and he's so young. You can do better.  
\- Her whisper eventually turning into a plea.

Hoseok couldn’t argue with her on that though, especially since they shared similar sentiments. In the end, he did the only thing a person could do when saving the person you love from being destroyed.-He ran away, slipping into the night.

Later that night, during his sessions, the old man that organises foreign girls for the club and the general area, asks him how his day went. He’s rather fond of Hoseok and Hoseok doesn’t have it in him to not seek solace, he can’t lie about just how painful the gaping hole in his chest is. So he doesn’t. Lie that is.

\- People like you and I can’t be loved. You can’t love the broken without breaking yourself.  
\- His words flow like silver tokens from a slot machine.

Hoseok knows it but he doesn’t want to believe it. Still, Hyunwoo was too precious to break. He won’t let Hyunwoo be destroyed just because of one simple mistake, just because he was a good man who took in a stray.

The following day is spent with his phone off and a couple cans of beer. At some point, he felt like he was crying but when he touched his cheek, there were no tears. He isn’t quite sure if he remembers how to cry. He arrives at the club just in time but that doesn’t save him from the manager.

\- You look like shit. These men don’t pay to see shit. You know you take longer for makeup because of that fucking eyesore on your cheek. Get your act together Shin!  
\- He barks before rushing off.

Hoseok can’t say he didn’t expect that. After grabbing his schedule and heading to the change room, Hoseok picks up a mistake. Down on his card is a fifteen-minute session. That’s never happened before. Considering his type of job, you would expect pay to be good but it wasn’t. He was still in training and just getting the left overs from the escorts that were fully booked. Not to mentioned he was heavily penalised for his errors which had been numerous. The pay was hourly, so a fifteen-minute session wasn’t helping. He rushes through his usual makeup routine. The standards the club upheld was of utter perfection. So by the end of the routine, Hoseok looked something akin to a porcelain doll.

His usual bouncer was on duty, looking pretty sceptical. Hoseok didn’t have time to ask though but when he walks into the private room, it all made sense. Behind the mahogany table in his white coat is Hyunwoo. He looked so out of place. Everything about him didn’t belong there, not his warm smile, not tender hands and most definitely not that look in his eyes. The way he looked at Hoseok, like Hoseok was the sole star of the night sky.

For lack of better reaction, Hoseok bows. He steels himself for what’s to come. He expected an apology or maybe a heartfelt confession. None of the things he could accept because Hyunwoo was a good man and good men never put themselves first.

Hyunwoo words are spoken as soon as Hoseok knees hit the ground.

\- Let’s live together.  
\- He says bluntly but kindly.

The air stills and Hoseok feels warmth blossoming at the base of his neck. He never expected to hear that, not in a million year, not in this world or another. No, it wasn't a sentiment but a proposition. A proposition to move forward, not one that would hinder himself in order to comfort Hoseok. No empty promises, just a chance.

\- There’s this apartment. It’s not cheap but I think we’ll manage.  
\- He speaks like they’re discussing the weather.

Hoseok eyes shift over to the bouncer, his eyes silently pleading. With a light nod, Hoseok lets his iron walls melt underneath the heat of Hyunwoo’s words. Something warm is streaming down his  
cheek, tingling the corner of his nose. Touching the hot tears tenderly, Hoseok thinks back to last time he cried but he honestly doesn’t remember it. Hyunwoo reaches for his hand and Hoseok meets him half way. Like warm summer rain, the tears keep slipping.  
The emotions prove to be overwhelming and before Hoseok knows it, he's drowning in the depths of a foreign ocean. He was ready to reject Hyunwoo on every turn. He thought nothing could convince him, nothing could change him. He thought he knew but he didn’t and he wonders if he ever did. This man in front of him, this man asking to live with him, to spend his life with him. No matter how short it may be. Hyunwoo offered no promises, but something much more valuable than the intangible, something more than false comfort and strained apologies. Hyunwoo made space for Hoseok, he made time. Hyunwoo created it just for him, a place just for Hoseok and he couldn’t be happier.

\- Let’s live together.  
\- Hoseok’s voice cracks and they smile in unison.

The remainder of the time was spent hand in hand, in silence, neither of them wanting the fifteen minutes to end.

Hoseok thinks just how foolishly he had been to honestly think he didn’t want to be loved. Being loved by Hyunwoo was something he had never in a million years thought he would experience. He was doing things so outlandish, he had to wonder just what had he become. Just what kind of person did he think he was? Did he all of sudden think too much of himself just because Hyunwoo loved him, was it because Hyunwoo was a doctor? Was it the title that came with their relationship? No real title but being the equal to someone as amazing as Hyunwoo.-Was he getting too ahead of himself? That's what the snakes had whispered into his ears and like a seed of doubt, it dwelled there. Till he got home and Hyunwoo’s sweet voice would cleanse his mind and they would melt into each other, doing the most mundane of things.

Hoseok thinks he maybe can be that kinda person, the person Hyunwoo needs to lean on. He starts to think that this kind of life isn’t as outlandish as he would like to think it is.-actually it’s quite comforting and relaxing. He realises he enjoys it, the tasks of sweeping and mopping, washing dishes and cooking. He quite like the idea of taking care of his home and making sure those within his home is comfortable. The trivial task of lining up Hyunwoo’s books in alphabetical order or the filling of each and every bill and receipt. It brings him joy, a sense of deep satisfaction and probably a bit of pride. The smile of Hyunwoo’s face when he eats makes Hoseok feel like he’s done a good job, like he belongs in this place to make Hyunwoo just as happy as Hyunwoo has made him. He feels like he can make Hyunwoo happy and that flips Hoseok’s world around.

If that makes any sense.

If life has taught Hoseok anything; it would be that things don’t necessarily need to make sense.

Happiness doesn’t make sense most of the time.

The amount the times we ask ourselves the same question; “Why am I not happy? I should be, Shouldn’t I?”

It doesn’t make sense when we don't understand why we’re without it so why should we constantly need to justify it’s presence when we are blessed with it.

Hoseok was just happy. Like anything of meaning, happiness is a snowball of sensation and memories- sometimes we don’t even remember but the body never forgets. The traces never  
disappear, like a stain on our existence, the little blotches sink in and our bodies will forever remember the colour that stained us. Like how Hoseok can drown himself in his boyfriend’s hoodie and it’s enough to bring a smile to his face. He doesn’t need to remember the winter night he would wear this exact hoodie as Hyunwoo worked the night shift, he doesn’t need to inhale Hyunwoo’s scent. No, it’s not conscience but rather subliminal as the air we breathe.

Happiness is as such, elusive and yet ever present.

_Present…_

The opening of the shower glass opening alerts Hoseok and he blinks the sleep away. The lights are still on and they sting his eyes lightly.

\- Asleep already?  
\- Hyunwoo inquires as he steps out from the steam.

Rolling onto his side, Hoseok’s turns to his boyfriend. A smile plays on his lips as he admires Hyunwoo’s damp body. He lets his sleepy gaze drift over the tan glistening skin, each of Hyunwoo’s curves and dips are even more pronounced. Hoseok had to admit, life had been good to him. Hyunwoo throws him an incredulous look to which Hoseok just smiles innocently as he flutters his eyelids.

Even in the arrival of winter, Hyunwoo only wears a pair of boxers to bed. The lights are switched off and Hoseok eagerly makes enough place for his boyfriend. The bed dips underneath Hyunwoo’s weight and there’s silent shuffling. Hoseok moves on instinct, just like many nights before, he rests his head on the warm broadness of his boyfriend’s chest with his bent knees raising to rest on Hyunwoo’s thighs.

\- Long day?  
\- Hyunwoo asks because it’s not often Hoseok gets into bed before him.

\- Mhhhmmm. Something like that.  
\- Hoseok hums.

There had plenty opportunities to bring up the matter but Hoseok had been less than eager to share the unwelcomed visit. The strain was obviously evident and only now, in Hyunwoo’s warmth, could Hoseok properly rest.

\- My brother dropped by.  
\- It’s more of a whisper but Hyunwoo hears it all the same in the dead of the night.

Hoseok’s escort days were something of the past. The club had suffered far too many causalities and was taken over by another syndicate. Hoseok by that time had become something of a rarity, he had set customers and was in held in high regard. In the time of need, the bonds he had formed with his limited clientele had proved fruitful. Thanks to them, he had cleanly exited the business.

He didn’t stray too far. Finding a job that paid as well as his last proved futile. In the end, he ended up buying a rundown bar not too far from his last place of employment. Revamping it, Hoseok took the risk of mixing alcohol and ink. It didn’t sound too smart but it had worked out well and hence Alkemy Tattoo Bar or ATB was born.

ATB’s popularity had quickly proved too much for Hoseok to handle on his own and his staff grew accordingly. Now he was just the owner that wandered the establishment, casually making conversation with customers.

On this fateful day, his customer so happened to be his younger brother.

\- And?  
\- Hyunwoo prompts gently.

\- Mum is sick. He said she has cancer and they don't have money. So I gave him.  
\- Hoseok explains lazily, keeping it minimal .

It's been more than ten years since Hoseok had any contact with any of his family members but he believed he acted justly. His mother, despite her lack of maternal nurturing, is still his mother. She had worked hard to maintain the household. The sum wasn't very significant, just whatever he had in the safe of the bar but his brother had seemed grateful all the same.

\- Do you want to see her?  
\- Hyunwoo knows he needs to be careful with this topic.

At first, Hoseok thought he should. Not out of real care but to make sure he’s brother was really putting the money to good use but the more he thought of it, it wasn’t his business anymore. He doesn’t understand how he couldn’t care but he just doesn't. After his brother had left, the encounter had weighed heavy on his conscience. How could he not be devasted by the fact that his mother was dying? It was absurd. He hadn't even inquired about the cancer. What organ was effected or the severity of it? He should be feeling something like sadness or shock but nothing of the sort manifested.

\- Not really, babe. I feel like I should want to or I should care but I don't. I feel horrible.  
\- Hoseok admits.

\- Don’t.  
\- Hyunwoo warns instantly.

Hyunwoo never pushes. He knows how numb Hoseok had been with his family abandoning him and at first, it had worried him. Now looking back, he was grateful. He can’t imagine a soul as gentle as Hoseok’s dealing with that kind of baggage. No, it was better that his relationship with his family was severed cleanly. They had the nerve to throw him out, not once trying to make any contact and yet, Hoseok had spoken not a single ill word against them. He took all the blame upon himself and was determine to live like that but no longer. That Hoseok was left outside their home they made with each other. His Hoseok deserved better. He knew very well, if Hoseok went digging for feeling, he was most likely going to find it. Whether they were really his or just manifested was another story. He would find it and when the time came, Hyunwoo knew his family would reject him once again because he very much doubted they would be accepting of their estranged gay son. They would break him again and Hyunwoo would fix him, no matter what but prevention is always better than cure.

\- Your home is with me.  
\- Hyunwoo reassures his lover, his arm curling tighter around the slim frame.

Home? Hoseok thinks he never had one other than this. The remaining weight is lifted and he melts into Hyunwoo’s heat, his ears unblock from the imaginary pressure and he faintly hears the beating of Hyunwoo’s heart.

\- I know, babe. Goodnight, I love you.  
\- He whispers as he snuggles closer, his mind now clear and his body light as a feather.

This is the only place he needs to be.

\- I love you too Baby boy. Night.  
\- Hyunwoo mumbles as he strokes Hoseok’s back.

The place that was created just for him, in a home that was only his and Hyunwoo's.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I shall forever be apologising for errors. Thanks for reading.


End file.
